I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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