Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sorry about my life...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
