drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
