he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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