I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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