JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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