return my video game
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
