I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
