She said her name was "party"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
