I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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