ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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