I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
