I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
