I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
