dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
