Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
