i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
