The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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