i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
