i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
