Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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