I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize