I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
