you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
