OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
