I'd wear matching sweaters with you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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