Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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