I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
