A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
