I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
