Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
