Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
