I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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