After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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