I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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