guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
