Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
