idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
