my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
