i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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