Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
