I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
