i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
