So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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