Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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