ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
