Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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