Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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