after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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