All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
