This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
