I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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