first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
