By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
