She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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