I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
