the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
