the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
