Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
