he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So many bounce houses so little time
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
