Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
