with your own penis?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
