I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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