I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
