The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
