im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize