ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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