I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
