Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
