Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
