summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
