I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
