If that was your dad, he is hot
i think i have two assholes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
