Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
