i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
